pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
