I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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