if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
