Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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