How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize