benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
