So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
