Fine. I'll sleep in my office
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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