Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
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and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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