I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
