So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This baby is an asshole
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
