He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
