Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
