i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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