he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
