12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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