i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
