Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
