On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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