Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
