What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
