new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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