i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
