why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
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Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
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After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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