then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
