this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just found puke in my bra..
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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