Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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