does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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