If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
