Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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