the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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