I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Acid is not a monday night drug
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
