i will never coherently bang her
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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