You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
