um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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