I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
why do cheetos always look like penises
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Randomize
