the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
