Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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