Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Randomize
