You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
