I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
