I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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