You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
