you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
