I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
