Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
