I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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