since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
