the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
