do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
