I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
