i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
