I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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