We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
