Welp...herpes.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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