Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
