I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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