So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
