I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
