So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize