talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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