Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
