and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
