I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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