It's chlamydia! Thank God!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
