How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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