Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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