I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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