Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Randomize
