Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
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That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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