She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Vodka?
Forever.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
