o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
