I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
