i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
