Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
